Monday, December 23, 2013

The Spirit of Gossip



Sadly, GOSSIP is being taken for granted especially by other Christians though IT IS STILL A SIN. A sin is still a sin. Let me illustrate. Both murderer and a liar would be put to hell if you understand what I mean. Even it is true, that doesn't mean we have to share the life of other people's negative sides. Choose what matters and what does not. To get an inspiration on and what would not. If there is something you do not know, seek to ask the person who is involved, not other people. You can only get the truth from them. Do not open private text messages, letters, emails, cards etc. of other people even they are your member of the family. Learn to respect their privacy. If someone would want to gossip on other people's life, turn away! Or close your ears with your hands and stop them saying, "I WOULDN'T LISTEN TO SOMETHING THAT IS POTENTIALLY NOT TRUE!"

If the spirit of gossip seeks to persist, rebuke it! Tame your tongue! Close your eyes! Cover your ears! Don't give in! Remember that we can only testify ourselves. But we don't have the right to testify other people's life. Leave it to them. UNLESS IT IS SOMETHING THAT CAN GIVE AN ENCOURAGEMENT FROM. Choose to spread a story that can build their character. Not ruin it!  Rebuking the spirit of gossip in Jesus name!

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." -Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Is My Love... NOT GOOD Enough?


I know that we all have burdens to carry and issues to deal with. So many trials, so many problems and so many heartaches that we become so weak. But if you think God is punishing you. If you cursing and blaming God for all your miseries. Or worst, if you think God doesn't love you...

Think again.

How many times have you been pissed hearing your dumb friend who keeps loving and staying with her stupid boyfriend no matter how much he had hurt her? That you heard her complaining that she had enough (again) and saying that she would finally leave him. Then the next day, she's back in the arms of that bastard who keeps hitting her as if nothing happened. Maybe that dumb friend was me. Or most probably you're now thinking that that dumb friend was you.

I remembered my previous 10-year relationship. For me, he's the guy that a woman could ever ask for. He's humorous, smart, hardworking, diligent, lovable, caring, understanding and open-minded. He sees to it that he sees me every single day. No matter how far or how tired he was, he'll visit me or he'll pick me up using his motorcycle wherever part of the world I was. There's no distance between us. He attended all of my needs and gave all of my wants. He spoiled me. A LOT. Yet for those ten whole consecutive years he kept on cheating on me. He would lie, like a thousand creative lies. And whenever I caught him he would promised that he will never do it again and those promises will always be broken. And because of his continuous cheating I became unsure of myself. Am I not good enough? I became insecure. My self-esteem was very low. I had zero level of self-confidence that I regularly went to spas just to feel beautiful. Though he kept on cheating and hurting me, that guy was my everything. He was my strength. I became so dependent on him. I thought I could never live without him. I treated him like a god. With him, I feel invisible. No other people can hurt me. Even though my mom would not approve. But because I love him so much, I would fight anything for that love. I didn't care if my mom begged a lot. I didn't care about my mom's tears. For almost ten years I kept begging my mom, crying and even got angry with my own mom. Until finally, she gave in and accepted him.


But because I had very low self-esteem, my insecurities were eating me alive, I was so suspicious whenever he's out of my sight. I nagged all the time and got even more demanding of his time, I asked a lot of questions, I checked his cellphones time to time and he will be more shady and obviously lie. I really didn't have any peace of mind. We fought for a lot of petty things that I packed his belongings and send him out of the house. After a week I was making peace at him but he didn't want to anymore. Then one day, that guy whom I was fighting for, decided to left me. Telling me he's not returning. He said he's a fool. An animal. I should know everything of what he did to me. That I didn't deserve him. I was crying that night, I didn't care even I was sick. I was dizzy because I had a high fever that time. But I didn't care. I keep begging. But he denied me. 


Oh how so painful to be deserted. To be left alone. After all what I've done, why? Why he has to leave me? For weeks, I keep thinking what building will I jump on to kill myself? I don't want to feel the impact. So I might get drunk, real drunk before I jump. Or which area of our house will I put my rope to hang myself? I've been thinking those twisted thoughts every evening. And then one night I was alone in my own room, I had my last two options. How about a bottle of bleach or will a drug overdose be less painful? I was in deep sorrow, crying my heart out and keep asking, "Why? Why you have to leave me? I've been fighting for you for years. Is my love not good enough?"

And from out of nowhere, I instantly got this answer... "My child, my child, is my LOVE for you NOT GREAT enough?" And there I felt an embrace full of warmth. I felt that Love so great that I never felt before. I felt how much I was loved. But that time I was really puzzled what's going on. What am I feeling? What's going on? Before I could understand further, my mind filled with childhood memories, happy ones and very bitter ones, I was bullied all my childhood life and my family didn't know it by then, but I surpassed them all with just God on my side. I remember how much He had helped me to stand firm with those bullies and how much He keeps blessing me. But then what's this? I can also feel His pain. Great pain. As if God made me feel that He was also hurting to watch me suffering. What's got into me that I was thinking to end my own life for just a man? That made me thinking that: if an ordinary person like me, could give so much love like that... how EXTREME would be the love of my Heavenly Father for a sinner like me? And after realizing what just happen, I felt that all of my hair in my body was standing with fear and shame. If I continue on what I was trying to do, how will I be able to stand on His presence?

My friends, feel this. I know you've been in love so much and probably you are now. If you can love so much and will do anything for that love, how much more does His love for you? If you can't stop loving and keep on forgiving that special someone no matter how he/she keeps hurting you, much more Him. That no matter how many times we have disappointed God, He still hanging there to love and just waiting for us to beg for His forgiveness. If parents can endure their children, no matter how ungrateful they may be. Parents can't stop loving their children. And even their children ran away from their homes and forgot that they have a mother and a father, then one day they realized how much they have wronged and hurt they parents and decided to come home, parents will accept their children wholeheartedly. If parents can do that, how about God? He's just there. No matter how much we have sinned. No matter how many times we have wronged Him. No matter how ungrateful we can be that we have forgotten Him. But still He's just there. He keeps knocking on our hearts. Waiting for us to remember Him and love Him again. His love never ends. Why we love on the first place? We love because God has loves us first.

I really do hope, you can feel how much He keeps on loving you. He loves you so much. We are unworthy, but He loves us anyway. We are so unworthy but God called us to be His children. So never lose hope my friend. If you are thinking to end your life, stop! No matter how painful you are dealing now, hang in there! You will never suffer for long because you are not alone. We have to stay alive to see how our story ends. Stay alive. Keep the faith. Just believe. :)

UPDATE:
When I finally realized how much the Lord has loved me from the very beginning, I moved on. And when my ex has realized that I no longer need him in my life, he tried to get me back but I already refuse. God's love made me realized I deserve better. I started to love myself and have now confident to be just me. Now both of us have a new family. God has blessed me with a loving and a faithful husband. I have two adorable babies. My husband and I serve the Lord in our own ways. :)

Monday, December 16, 2013

Worthy Is The Cross That We Have To Carry


Lord, You are testing my faith...

You knew all of my heart's desire. I didn't ask You to give them right away. For I trust You that much. It didn't matter if I won't get them outright. I trust Your will. And You have proven that You are my God. Oh Sovereign Lord, the Most High Almighty. You are so kind for You answered me so quickly. But it turned out that I neglected the other gifts that You gave me. I stopped what I do best for You to bless those who needs them. I chose to do what I pleased. And the fire in me got a little colder. This new gift that You gave me turned out to be a blessing and a curse!

But I don't want to put out Your light in me. I don't want to put out the fire in me. You gave me the power of choice. The choice to love You or not. But You will always love me no matter what. But Lord this gift, if it's something that would lose my faith, I should take it away... Then why give it to me Lord on the first place if it's something to be given away? Lord, You are testing me. As I passing through all those silvers, Lord, You just gave me gold without expecting it. But it is something to be given away, for I felt it doesn't belong to me. I cannot shake this feeling. What's the sense of looking back at those silver, when I finally found a gold. Should I focus on the other silver when You have already lead me to this gold? Didn't I told You I trusted You much Lord? Didn't I told You I can wait for a much longer? With bitterness, I grief as I close my eyes telling You it's not my will. It's still YOURS. I should deny myself, carry my cross and follow You. But I cannot deny the pain Lord. I cannot deny the hurting that I am going through. With sorrow I keep on asking You. And You heard my cry...

You reminded me that all these things in the world are just borrowed even our own lives. All that You gave, You can take it away. If I focus on the gift not the Giver, shouldn't I be afraid? For You can take it back away from me with a blink of an eye. You told me: "I gave you a gold but you have forgotten Me. Why did you stop working what I told you to do to work on? I thought you care for all My people who were like you before. The people who were robbed with My hope and My love. How could I bless them if you stopped. You asked to be an instrument of Me but you forgot your duty. I made you happy yet you already forgot that My people also needs to be happy." You made me realize... How can You lead me to a war for Your glory if I cannot endure myself? How can I go to a great big battle if You won't prepare me with the smallest? How can You trust me to go at large if I would not start at little? For to be greatest we should be the smallest. Like Jesus who came not to be serve, but to serve His people. We must be a servant and the slave for all.

Small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life. As you feed me with Your Words oh God, let me drink the cup of Your life. Let my sorrows and all my pain turn to joy as I lay them all down to You. May it delight You as it turn out to be Your Glory oh Lord as I put my trust in You again. I should never worry. Make me strong to carry my cross daily for I pray to be worthy. Yes Lord, we should aim not only for the silver. We should not pursue only to the gold. But the One who gave all these wonderful and beautiful stuff for He can give much greater. We should aim for You not of the world. We should claim for the treasure that is worthy than all the silvers, worthy than all the golds, more worthy than all the diamonds put altogether. For we are more worthy than that. After all Lord, You are our Father. You understand us the most. You love us the most. You are the Real-Joy Giver. Aren't You also the Father who loves to give? All You wanted is to help us. You never wanted to harm us. I pray Lord to keep trusting Your Will for me. Plans that will give me hope. Plans that will give me a future. I pray to be still with Christ that strengthens me. I pray to wait patiently as I keep asking You Lord. Until You show me Your mercy, Oh God... Until You show me Your mercy... As You promise that You will reward me.

"Not by might nor by power but My Spirit," say the Lord Almighty. (Zechariah 4:6) The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him--the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord. (Isaiah 11:2) For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) The Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self-control. The Spirit has given us life; He must also control our lives. (Galatians 5:22-23,25)

Who will harm you if you are eager to do what is good? But even if you should suffer for doing what is right, how happy you are! Do not be afraid of anyone and do not worry. For it's better to suffer for doing good, if this should be God's will, than for doing evil. (1 Peter 3:13-14,17) Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light. (Matthew 11:29-30) I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will revealed in us. (Romans 8:18) But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. (2 Chronicles 15:17)

"What do you mean, 'If I can'?" Jesus asked. "Anything is possible if a person believes." (Mark 9:23) Ask, and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock, and the door will opened to you. For everyone who asks will receive, and anyone who seeks will find, and the door will be opened to those who knock. Bad as you are, you know how to give good things to your children. How much more, then, will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him. (Matthew 7:7-8,11 ) If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. (Matthew 21:22) [For] Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven; it comes down from God, the Creator of the heavenly lights, who does not change or cause darkness by turning. (James 1:17)

Yes Lord. Worthy is the cross that we have to carry for You. There's a joy behind it every day. We should understand that we must all seek first for Your kingdom. For we are for You! We pray to be still. To wait patiently. To endure the pain we should be facing so we can be stronger. To put our trust in You and Your promises. Because You never break Your promises. We pray to be worthy. Not to put our trust on ourselves. With just us, things can still go wrong. But when we put our trust in You, everything is possible. As we look on high to You oh Lord, our Heavenly Father, our Perfect Parent, who remains to be faithful. Who gives and continue to pour on the Perfect Love. The perfect hope. The perfect dreams. The perfect blessings. Yes, our hard-work will never be in vain for You will reward us with the perfect gifts! We just have to ask You and believe! Until You show us Your mercy, and it shall be given! We love You! Thank you for the power! Your Glory will remain forever! Hallelujah!