Worthy Is The Cross That We Have To Carry

Lord, You are testing my faith...

You knew all of my heart's desire. I didn't ask You to give them right away. For I trust You that much. It didn't matter if I won't get them outright. I trust Your will. And You have proven that You are my God. Oh Sovereign Lord, the Most High Almighty. You are so kind for You answered me so quickly. But it turned out that I neglected the other gifts that You gave me. I stopped what I do best for You to bless those who needs them. I chose to do what I pleased. And the fire in me got a little colder. This new gift that You gave me turned out to be a blessing and a curse!

But I don't want to put out Your light in me. I don't want to put out the fire in me. You gave me the power of choice. The choice to love You or not. But You will always love me no matter what. But Lord this gift, if it's something that would lose my faith, I should take it away... Then why give it to me Lord on the first place if it's something to be given away? Lord, You are testing me. As I passing through all those silvers, Lord, You just gave me gold without expecting it. But it is something to be given away, for I felt it doesn't belong to me. I cannot shake this feeling. What's the sense of looking back at those silver, when I finally found a gold. Should I focus on the other silver when You have already lead me to this gold? Didn't I told You I trusted You much Lord? Didn't I told You I can wait for a much longer? With bitterness, I grief as I close my eyes telling You it's not my will. It's still YOURS. I should deny myself, carry my cross and follow You. But I cannot deny the pain Lord. I cannot deny the hurting that I am going through. With sorrow I keep on asking You. And You heard my cry...

You reminded me that all these things in the world are just borrowed even our own lives. All that You gave, You can take it away. If I focus on the gift not the Giver, shouldn't I be afraid? For You can take it back away from me with a blink of an eye. You told me: "I gave you a gold but you have forgotten Me. Why did you stop working what I told you to do to work on? I thought you care for all My people who were like you before. The people who were robbed with My hope and My love. How could I bless them if you stopped. You asked to be an instrument of Me but you forgot your duty. I made you happy yet you already forgot that My people also needs to be happy." You made me realize... How can You lead me to a war for Your glory if I cannot endure myself? How can I go to a great big battle if You won't prepare me with the smallest? How can You trust me to go at large if I would not start at little? For to be greatest we should be the smallest. Like Jesus who came not to be serve, but to serve His people. We must be a servant and the slave for all.

Small is the gate and narrow is the road that leads to life. As you feed me with Your Words oh God, let me drink the cup of Your life. Let my sorrows and all my pain turn to joy as I lay them all down to You. May it delight You as it turn out to be Your Glory oh Lord as I put my trust in You again. I should never worry. Make me strong to carry my cross daily for I pray to be worthy. Yes Lord, we should aim not only for the silver. We should not pursue only to the gold. But the One who gave all these wonderful and beautiful stuff for He can give much greater. We should aim for You not of the world. We should claim for the treasure that is worthy than all the silvers, worthy than all the golds, more worthy than all the diamonds put altogether. For we are more worthy than that. After all Lord, You are our Father. You understand us the most. You love us the most. You are the Real-Joy Giver. Aren't You also the Father who loves to give? All You wanted is to help us. You never wanted to harm us. I pray Lord to keep trusting Your Will for me. Plans that will give me hope. Plans that will give me a future. I pray to be still with Christ that strengthens me. I pray to wait patiently as I keep asking You Lord. Until You show me Your mercy, Oh God... Until You show me Your mercy... As You promise that You will reward me.

"Not by might nor by power but My Spirit," say the Lord Almighty. (Zechariah 4:6) The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him--the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord. (Isaiah 11:2) For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) The Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self-control. The Spirit has given us life; He must also control our lives. (Galatians 5:22-23,25)

Who will harm you if you are eager to do what is good? But even if you should suffer for doing what is right, how happy you are! Do not be afraid of anyone and do not worry. For it's better to suffer for doing good, if this should be God's will, than for doing evil. (1 Peter 3:13-14,17) Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light. (Matthew 11:29-30) I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will revealed in us. (Romans 8:18) But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. (2 Chronicles 15:17)

"What do you mean, 'If I can'?" Jesus asked. "Anything is possible if a person believes." (Mark 9:23) Ask, and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock, and the door will opened to you. For everyone who asks will receive, and anyone who seeks will find, and the door will be opened to those who knock. Bad as you are, you know how to give good things to your children. How much more, then, will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him. (Matthew 7:7-8,11 ) If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. (Matthew 21:22) [For] Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven; it comes down from God, the Creator of the heavenly lights, who does not change or cause darkness by turning. (James 1:17)

Yes Lord. Worthy is the cross that we have to carry for You. There's a joy behind it every day. We should understand that we must all seek first for Your kingdom. For we are for You! We pray to be still. To wait patiently. To endure the pain we should be facing so we can be stronger. To put our trust in You and Your promises. Because You never break Your promises. We pray to be worthy. Not to put our trust on ourselves. With just us, things can still go wrong. But when we put our trust in You, everything is possible. As we look on high to You oh Lord, our Heavenly Father, our Perfect Parent, who remains to be faithful. Who gives and continue to pour on the Perfect Love. The perfect hope. The perfect dreams. The perfect blessings. Yes, our hard-work will never be in vain for You will reward us with the perfect gifts! We just have to ask You and believe! Until You show us Your mercy, and it shall be given! We love You! Thank you for the power! Your Glory will remain forever! Hallelujah!